


Too Much To Lose

by JasnahK



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, First Kiss, Love, Love Confessions, Nervousness, Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:02:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29967483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasnahK/pseuds/JasnahK
Summary: This is my fanfiction for Thom and Moiraine after Moiraine is rescued at the end of the 13th book.
Relationships: Moiraine Damodred/Thom Merrilin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Too Much To Lose

**Author's Note:**

> I love Thom and Moiraine so much. They are my favorite couple from Wheel of Time. I wish that they had more page time but I am grateful for what we got. I think they compliment each other really well. This is my first fanfiction. I hope you guys enjoy it!

“What have you been up to since we parted in Tear?” Moiraine asked as Mat was walking off. Even though she had spent so many months being tortured with her own memories, so many things seemed right with the world. Ironic she thought that considering that the Last Battle felt like it was right around the corner. 

Thom let go of her hands and settled down beside her against the fallen log. He began explaining how he had followed Nyneave and Elayne and events after. He casually put his arm around her, and she leaned back against him. She was surprised at how easy it was and how natural it felt. Moiraine listened to his story, enjoying human contact after being away from it for so long. He mentioned arriving in Salidar and explained the political tensions without her even having to ask. It amazed her how well he knew her from their limited interactions. He talked about the things he had learned when he and Juilin had gone around Murandy gathering information. 

He paused in the telling of his story, taking her hand in his and using his thumb to caress it gently. She waited patiently, feeling that he was deep in thought. She took comfort from his touch and closed her eyes for a few moments. 

“When we got back to Salidar, Elayne told me… what happened with Lanfear,” Thom explained, voice quiet. He squeezed her hand slightly. “Moiraine, I felt hallow. I don’t think I knew I loved you until I was told you were gone…”

She turned to face him then, giving him a small smile, “If it makes you feel better, I have been fighting my feelings for you since Baerlon. I was quite surprised to find myself gravitating towards not only an Andoran, but also a musician. I have always found Andorans to be slightly arrogant and I have never cared for music.” 

Thom raised both his eyebrows at her and she laughed softly. 

“I do enjoy your music, my dearest Thom.” 

He nodded, “Is that so?” He smiled, eyes twinkling. His face changed, growing solemn, as he let go of har hand to cup her face. “Moiraine, I am so sorry for leaving you.”

Her eyes widened slightly.

“Thom, I sent you away. You had no obligation to me. Do not hold onto guilt that is not yours to bear.” She placed her hand on top of his. “The wheel weaves as the wheel wills. I did send you away. I was using the excuse of Rand, but I think I was scared of being distracted. I do not know what would have transpired between us if you had stayed…”

She turned her head away from him, so he dropped his hand from her face. 

“I will hold true to our bargain, however,” she said turning back to face him, “If it can be called that. The red sisters involved in Owyn’s still-“

She was cut off in surprise as he pressed his lips to hers. It was a gentle but deliberate kiss. Her stomach fluttered embarrassingly as she had not been kissed by a man since before her time as a novice. Long suppressed instincts kicked in as she slid her hands up his arms and held his shoulders. His arms encircled her, and she felt enveloped and surrounded by his affection for her. After a few moments, Thom pulled away. She had to take a moment to recollect her thoughts before she continued, “The sisters were – “

She cut off again as he laid a finger across her lips. She looked at him slightly puzzled. 

“I don’t want to know. I have too much to lose now. And Owyn… he would not want me to risk what I have. I have lost too much by playing the Game of Houses and I will not risk you.”

Moiraine’s brow furrowed slightly. “I can help. We can do it together. I meant what I said. They should not have gotten away with what they did. I appreciate the concern, but I can take care of myself.” 

Thom hesitated, but then shook his head, “No, Moiraine.”

She sighed but didn’t push further. She could tell his mind was made up. 

“I would like to negotiate the terms of that bargain if I am allowed…” He looked at her, blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

Moiraine hesitated, slight suspicion reflecting in her large, dark eyes. She sighed, “I supposed it’s only fair. What is it you wish, Thom Merrilin?”

Thom smiled, “Nothing that would not eventually come to pass. I want to be your Warder.”

Now Moiraine really was confused. Had they not already discussed this? He must have seen her confusion, because he clarified, “I want you to join us… or bond us, whatever you call it, now. Well, if you are up to it at least. I do not want you to push yourself…”

Moiraine felt a little bit of shock. The man that would not kiss her in Tear because of his aversion to Aes Sedai wanted so badly to be her Warder? She did not know exactly how to respond, so she answered the easiest part of his request first to buy herself more time to think.

“I have enough strength to give you what you wish… it does not require so much of the power, but the weave itself is complex. I can do it, but… I just assumed we would marry first… so I could show you that I love you more than my power. I…” She trailed off. What was wrong with her? Was she hesitating? No, absolutely not. She loved this man. Their love being the only thing that had gotten her through her awful time in the Tower of Ghenjei. 

He surprised her by chuckling, “It is so nice to see emotion on your face and reflected in your voice.” He gave her hand a squeeze.

Moiraine blushed which made him chuckle again. He leaned in and gave her a light kiss. 

“Oh Moiraine. Blushing looks absolutely lovely on your pale skin.” She felt her cheeks getting redder and was grateful when he kissed her again. 

When he pulled away, his face and voice grew serious, “You have nothing to prove to me. I know you love me just as I love you. We are going to the Field of Merrilor tomorrow. You will be seeing Rand. From what I have heard, he did not take your death well to say the least. I imagine he will want you to stay by his side as he once took your devotion for granted. The last battle could start tomorrow, and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I don’t want to leave your side for fear of losing you again.” 

He framed her face with both of his hands. She felt her breath catch at his intensity. “I understand you have more obligations then to just a foolish old man.”

Foolish old man? That is not how she saw him. She opened her mouth to say as much, but he continued.

“And I love you for that too. Your sacrifices and determination. But I want to be bonded to you before we face the world tomorrow. If there was someone to marry us today, I would wisht hat too.” 

Moiraine started to feel teary eyed. Oh no, tears? When was the last time she had cried? And it certainly was not tears of joy brought about by an intense feeling of love, obligation, understanding, and appreciation. She took in a deep breath, committing his intense blue eyes and heartfelt words to memory. 

“I want to be bonded, so that if we are separated tomorrow, I will be able to find you.”

He wiped a tear that had started to fall from one eye. She felt overwhelmed and embarrassed. She was also speechless. 

“What say you, Moiraine? Do you think it’s a fair enough trade for sending me to Tanchico?” He chuckled, wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her close. Moiraine leaned into his embrace. “I did not mean to upset you, my dear,” Thom whispered, rubbing her back gently. Upset her? She had not felt so loved in a long time. She put her arms around him as well. 

“You have not upset me at all, Thom Merrilin. I will bond you. However, we must do it now before Mat returns.” She had no desire to share such an intimate moment with Thom in front of Mat. She was grateful for his rescue but even she had her limits…

She pulled back from Thom. She got on her knees to better reach his temples, but as she moved the gleeman’s cloak started to fall down. Thom quickly grabbed it and hung it snug around her, leaving her arms free. She blushed slightly.

“Some things can be saved until after you are my wife,” he explained smiling, blue eyes twinkling.

She blushed even more and contented her response with a slight nod. She tried to push down nervous thoughts, but they quickly buzzed through her head anyway. Did he know she had never shared her bed with a man before? Would it upset him? How was she going to tell him? Could she get away with not telling him? Se did not want to be laughed at. She quickly found control and pushed the thoughts down. She put her hands on his temple, Thom still holding the cloak closed. He nodded to her, smiling slightly. For all his confidence he stilled seemed slightly nervous. 

She waved spirit as she had done only once before and it settled into him. The spot where Lan had been in her mind became occupied once again. Wow. She immediately noticed the stark difference between Lan and Thom. 

This time, the knot in the back of head was full of love. She could feel hurt from his past, but it was so minimal compared to what he felt now. She could not help but smile as she tried to detangle his emotions further. Lan was always so… dark and serious. The rock that steadied her. Thom seemed like he was floating free, looking at the world through positivity. It was hard to accept the difference. She had been bonded with Lan for more than 20 years! 

She was not used to feeling romantic love through the warder bond either. She lowered her hands, and looked into his blue eyes, trying to gauge his reaction to this new level of intimacy. Did he feel her love through the bond? His eyes were slightly widened, but he was smiling at her, his eyes shining. 

“Light, Moiraine,” he said in almost a whisper, “I love you.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. His arms wrapped around her as he let go of the cloak. They were pressed together enough that the cloak didn’t fall. She quickly realized how dangerous it could be to be in love with your Warder as deeper desire, need, and want were communicated through the bond. The knot in the back of her head was burning like fire just as she imagined hers would be to him. 

Through her desire floated back the nervous thoughts from before. She barely had time to walk through her feelings before Thom pulled back, adjusting the cloak back around her shoulders. 

He chuckled, “Don’t worry. I meant what I said. After I can call you my wife,” he tapped her nose lightly, “Although this bond makes it hard to… well, you know. I also don’t fancy the idea of Mat coming back and interrupting us.”

She laughed softly, “Yes, I also do not fancy that.”

He eyed her suspiciously. “I am not sure what sparked your nervousness, but I imagine you will share when you want to.”

Could her appreciation of this man grow anymore? The fact that he didn’t press her… He could already sift through her emotions so quickly… 

She sighed, “I will tell you, but not now...”

He nodded, “I do not know about you, my love, but I feel exhausted. Rescuing you was a very tiresome task. Rest with me?” he asked. 

She laughed but cuddled up to him as he wrapped his arm around her. “I know you are not tired, my dearest Thom. I just bonded you to me. But I appreciate the cover to allow me to rest,” she said as she covered a yawn with her hand. 

He laughed as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, “Nothing gets by you does it, Moiraine?”

“Not usually” she said as she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes.


End file.
